My friend, Sherry has been working with someone distantly that has been suffering from the flesh-eating virus. She had been sending healing (along with several friends) to him for some time now. The other day, he died.
His spirit has moved on, but what is left behind is a healer wondering why she is a healer. Sherry was upset and shaken. She has done so much for him, yet was not able to stop what happened. At that moment, she wanted to not be a healer, ever again. She was upset with herself for not being able to keep him alive. She was upset because she had invested so much of herself into helping him, and his family. Now, she has been left with this empty feeling.
I know all too well what she is going through. It was not all that long ago when Jay died despite everything I did. It was not all that long ago when I had to comfort my friend, Terri, whose life had just been shattered with the death of her fiancé. I had to do this among feelings of failure, and doubt, of wanting to do anything to change what had happened. I wanted to hang it all up and never do anything like this again.
And then a friend had sent me some words, which told me that we can't change what has been planned. She told me we do what we do, but sometimes what we want, is not what happens. We still heal, but the healing goes past this life. And she stood by me, and helped me get over my desire to walk away.
Today, I sent her back very similar words. Mine went like this...
As a very dear friend told me, we do what we can, what we are allowed. We want to make people all better, but we can't always do that. What we do is help them do what they need to do. Yes, we feel pain. Yes, we hurt. Yes, we feel we failed because we feel the pain of those left behind. We are only human, doing what God allows us to do. In this too, there is a lesson.
Grieve. Know the pain. But know also, you did what you could, and that what was supposed to happen, did. Know that he hung on longer than he would have, because you made it possible. Know that he successfully crossed over because you made it possible. You have done well. It may not feel like it now, but you have.
I will send love and healing to those remaining. They also know of your love. And they are grateful for all that you did. I will also send love and healing to you. You deserve it also.
I love you my friend, and am always here for you. Take care.
What goes around comes around. We live in circles. As long as we continue to pass the love along, we know it will always come back to us.