Ok, ok. Everybody must be asking me what my fear is that is causing me the blocks that I have. Well, to tell you about that, I have to tell you about my first teacher of the ethereal.
Her name is Patti, and we met while she was working for me at a science fiction convention (I was head of security). At one point, she asked me if I was an empath. I immediately replied 'no'. To me, an empath was Deanna Troi on Star Trek: The Next Generation. ('Captain, I feel fear, I feel anger, I feel… bad script writing.') In reality, an empath is someone that feels other's emotions, sometimes very clearly, sometimes not. The more I thought about it, I realized that I am a person that is easily swayed by someone else's emotions. When I am with someone that is sad, I get sad. When I am with someone that is angry, I get angry. (At least I used to. Now I have learned a lot about shielding.) So, ok, I'm an empath. I found that as hard to admit as most people when they admit that they are alcoholics.
Empaths usually find themselves listening to other people's problems. People with problems are always drawn to empaths. Because of their abilities, they tend to be good listeners. They tend to understand what the other person is going through.
Patti was a very strong empath, and was very good at other things. She taught me how to meditate, how to feel energy in rocks and crystals. She taught me about properties of crystals. It was through her, that I met my friend Lisa, who introduced me to Reiki. I learned about drawing energy from the earth, and passing it to others. My education on energy and the ethereal was started.
As time went on, our friendship grew. I was one that helped her move into a friend's house when she needed to move. That night was the first time I had seen a manifestation of energy. Another friend of hers had put protection around the house, and when I looked out, I could see some shape out of the corner of my eye. When I looked right at it, I couldn't see it. It was years later when I realized that this is how we see entities and spirits moving around us.
The friends she moved in with are Wiccans (which is where I saw warding for the first time), and taught her many things, including channeling. This later turned into trancing. (Channeling is when you talk to entities like your guides. Trancing is when you go out, and someone else comes in to use your body.) The link between her and the entity calling itself Gaia (pronounced guy-yuh, the old earth goddess) became so strong, that the entity could force her into trance mode at any time. In other words, one minute I could be talking to Patti, the next Gaia. Patti would not remember what happened in her absence, as is the way with most trances. Now of course, this is a dangerous way to be. This is what has scared me from trancing for a long time. As of this writing, I haven't had the courage, or trust enough, to totally let go of my body. Those of us that were her friends felt that the entity she was talking to was lying to her, and she had given it blanket permission to come in at any time.
It was during this time that things started to change. She stated doing things to hurt people, not help them. She tried to manipulate people, me included. She kept wanting me to help her, then turning around and telling people that I was trying to hurt her, and the hidden purpose of my help was not for the good. In the best description I can come up with, she turned to the dark side of the force.
It was at that time, that I found another teacher, and Patti found someone who eventually became her husband. He is very strong when dealing with earth energy. (This is one reason I haven't used earth energy much. Of course, I am starting to do so now.) I broke the link between us (which she told me was unbreakable), and moved on down my path. Once in a while, I would get a massive headache, until I reacted with shields. There wasn't a doubt where it was coming from. On one occasion or two, I actually had to strike back to get her to stop. Several years ago, I had a dream (nightmare really) where she asked me to help her, and I wanted to. The next thing I knew, I was grabbed by her followers. I tried to run (you know how you get those lead feet in dreams), but couldn't. I woke up calling for help from another of my teachers. (Once I stopped shaking, I realized that it had been a dream, and went back into it with new strengths and abilities that prevented me from getting caught. I also realize now, how much truly happens in dreams.)
I have not heard from her for years, and any attempts by her have not been felt, if indeed there were any. She used to talk about things like controlling the weather, and using massive energies. I was amazed at what she could do, and very belittled by her abilities. Many of these are things that I do now. My thought would be that if my abilities have grown, then hers must have too.
During my healing session, I went inside myself, and looked at the block in my knee. The first thing I saw was Patti's face. Now, I know she didn't put that there, nor does she even know about it. What it is, is my fear, fear of her finding me again and starting her games.
Now, this is a fear that I need to clear, and I will. I know truly that no matter how powerful she has become, I am stronger. Don't ask me how I know that, I just do. Yes, me with all my doubts about myself, all my hesitations, know that I am stronger. I now can work with earth energies, vortexes, universal energy, higher dimensional energies. But I feel mostly it is because I have light on my side. I am a child of light, light where darkness can not exist.
I will clear the block and remove my fear. I am at a point of rebirth. From here on, I drop the problems of the past and move on my path into the future, a future of promise, and hope.