We're healers. Are we feelers? To accept all aspects of healing, do we need to stop feeling? I guess this is an account of a healer's reaction to a friend's tragedy, and the feeling of hopelessness that it can bring.
I have a dear friend from Ireland whom I have not physically met. We have talked by typing, and by camera, and by telephone. We know each other pretty well. This seems to be the way people meet now. In one of my earliest posts, I mentioned a friend noticing a hug. This was her.
Terri also met other people on the web, one of which she fell in love with. Over the Christmas holidays, she flew over and spent three weeks with him, long enough to know that their love was real.
This long distance romance went on for a while, when they decided marriage was what they wanted to do. About eight days ago, after she finished school, Terri flew over to the states (Illinois to be specific) to be with her fiance, Jay. During this time, they have had their silly little arguments, but they have had a lot of joy.
This ended a couple days ago. My first notice came in an e-mail that I picked up early Friday morning. Jay had had an allergic reaction to something, which made his asthma kick in full blast. There was a period of time when his heart had stopped beating, and he was not breathing for upwards of 10 minutes. At the time she sent the e-mail, he had been in the hospital several hours, breathing, but unconscious. They were questioning whether he would wake up again, or if he did what brain damage there would be.
I reacted immediately. I think the first thing I did was utter "oh frell", or something like that. Since I was at work, and should have been working, I put something up on my screen, and turned so that it looked like I was reading something on my desk. I cleared quickly, and jumped out to Jay. I felt he was outside his body when I got there. I started channeling Reiki into his body. When I felt it wasn't enough, I asked God to heal Jay, and use me as the channel. (It was later pointed out to me that by asking to be the channel, I may have been putting limits on God. When we are taught Reiki, we are taught to channel the energy. I get the feeling that maybe a channel is needed to get that healing to the person. If not, why wouldn't we just ask that they be healed, and stay out of the way?)
I was inside Jay on a huge wave of energy. I worked in his brain (which everyone was afraid might be damaged). I filled his body with the energy I was being sent. After I had done enough, I went over to visit Terri. I passed her love, and calming, and healing.
Next, I sent out e-mail asking for help. Not too long after, I was guided to send anything I could. The easiest thing to grab was inter-dimensional energies. I sent them. I reached out and sent more.
A while later, I started hearing from those I had mailed. One friend and psychic felt Jay was in another dimension (I would guess the fifth). She said that if he was coming back, he would need to use Terri's love as a guide. I did call her and pass on this information. She needed to keep talking to him.
While I was on the phone with her, I was guided to do something unusual. I made an energy link between her and his body, and then up to Jay. This was not anything I have ever done, nor knew I could.
Every time that day and night, that I thought of them, I sent energy.
Next thing I knew, I was being flooded with energy which I used to jump out with lightbody. I again worked on Jay's body. I went up to where he was. I told him that if he needed to move on, to do so, to use all the energy he's been given. But if he could stay, to follow the link, the love back to Terri. That was the last I did anything.
Terri called the next morning, and told me that Jay had passed a few hours before. I know that I and all the other healers supplied the energy he needed to cross over. I know that Jay is well and fine, healed. But I also know that a dear friend is in pain. I send healing and love, but it is not enough. Others send their prayers, but it does not ease her pain.
I know that what happened was meant to be. I know that this is all part of learning, and living. Yet, I feel like I failed, even though I know I didn't. We healers play a tenuous balance between intellectually knowing what is happening is supposed to happen, and emotionally feeling the pain and sadness.
I keep reaching out, and sending love, and calming to Terri, and through her to Jay's family. Again, I am trying to be the healer I know I need to be. I am trying to console her, and be there for her. She does notice when I touch her. So, even though I am not with her, she knows I am trying to help.
She also knows that Jay is watching over her, that he is there with her to do what he can. I have not seen him, but in the back of my mind, I know he is there.
I guess the lesson here is that things happen as they are supposed to. I have more to say on being a healer, and being an emotional human. That I will continue in another post.
Right now, I just ask for healing for my friend who is still on this side. May love and light walk with her through this time.