As I sit here at the psychic fair, waiting for my first customer, I think back to some of the discoveries I have made in the last three weeks. I have long considered myself a lightworker (and I don't mean that I don't lift heavy objects), but now I found out that my purpose here is truly one of light on a much greater level.
Now, the first thing I have to say is that I am not bragging. There is no ego involved here. I am just stating what I have been told, and I only believe it because it feels right.
In a qualification of my last statement, I will have to admit that I have always as a child wished I had some type of 'super power'. When my first teacher told me that I was gifted, I was ecstatic. Wow, I really do have some 'powers and abilities beyond those of mortal men'. Yeah, right. Since that time, I have been slammed with that old warning 'be careful what you wish for'. I have gone from thinking that this was the greatest thing to thinking that it is a huge burden. What thrill I had and ego that I started with have completely disappeared.
As I have said before, the doctors have diagnosed me with restless leg syndrome, a problem that makes the legs need to move. If you’ve ever had a joint that needs to be popped, you will recognize that feeling just before it does pop when you stretch it. One of my knees feels like that all the time, but it can never be popped to relieve the feeling. It is especially troublesome when my mind lets go, as in sleep, or meditation, which is why I don’t get any meditation done anymore. Since medical science has no cure, or even a good treatment plan, I have been seeing Darrell Brann, the person that taught polarity at the massage school. He does many energy-based techniques along with polarity. Through his work, we have both discovered a lot of things, some of which can be a little bit scary and overwhelming. And to some extent, it is that thought that causes me problems.
Let me see if I can explain it as best as I can. Consider also that I am still learning, and that I have not yet read the book I need to that will explain some of it to me. But I feel a need to get this down while I still have a degree of clarity about it.
I have mentioned things like earth changes before. Apparently, there is more going on, much more. The earth changes are just a small part of it. The earth is going through changes, but much more than I originally realized. The vibrations of the planet are changing. They are rising. We know that as the spirituality of the people on the planet increases, the vibrations of those people rises, and the vibrations of the planet rises. Eventually, the vibrations of the planet will take into other, higher dimensions. I have no clue what the timeframe is. I don't think that it is going to be any time soon. Of course, like I said, I haven't read the book yet.
As I understand it, there is energy coming to the planet from higher dimensions. It is being received and channeled to the earth by people whose purpose it is to receive this energy and pass it on. Now, this is all ‘ascension’ belief (ascending in to higher dimensions, or forms of life).
When Darrell had a good look at me, he realized that there was energy coming into me from somewhere else, specifically higher dimensions. Once he realized that, he told me to say some phrases. (One of the things Darrell does is see in people's energy field where problems are coming from. By having them say certain phrases, phrases related to what the problem is, it clears that section of the field. This could be racial memory, and one might be told to say some phrase of acceptance, thus releasing the problem.)
The phrases I was given had to do with accepting the fact that I am one of those people that are channeling energy to the earth. This is something that I did not know I was doing. Yes, that's right, me, the one that can do wonders with energy (or so I'm told), couldn't tell that this was happening. The way I understand it, the energy was coming into me, and I was blocking it, subconsciously. When I got tired, or tried sleeping, my subconscious control would stop, and the energy would come in, and act like a spark plug, making my legs jump when enough built up. Sometimes, they just kept moving and moving (which is what they were doing as I was sitting there).
As I said these phrases, my legs started to slow down, and stopped moving. I could then feel the energies coming into my third eye, and traveling down my legs into the ground. In doing this, I had raised my vibrations. The thing is that I could feel the energies, and in focusing on it, I had raised my vibrations, and had relieved myself of all leg problems. This lasted from 7:00 Friday night until a little after noon on Monday. Then the negativity at work overcame me, and I lost contact (at least conscious contact) with the ‘inter-dimensional’ energies. My legs started bothering me again.
Since then, I have had my leg problems. Sometimes, I was able to touch the energies for a little while, but not keep them. I know where they are, but can not keep them. Darrell says I have fear in me about them, and that is causing my problems. I don't think I do, but then again, I'm not sure I know.
Driving home that night, I was talking to a friend on the phone. She was having trouble with a bad headache. Now, I have reached out and handled headaches before, but never like this. As I reached out, I was aware of all these energies passing through me. I reached out, and got rid of most of her headache, but it wasn't much of the effort it usually is. In fact, it was almost no effort at all and I had no doubt that I could do it. In fact, I was rather blasé about it. I knew the energy was there. I just used it.
I visited my teacher in the hospital the next day. While I was there, I felt I was being directed to do some energy work. I calmly reached up, got some energy from somewhere and dropped it into her. She felt it working, and it felt good. This was working form this higher vibration. It was all so easy. I didn’t have a clue what I had actually done, I just did it, and it worked.
One of the things that concerns me is that I don't know how many others there are that are channeling these energies. I am hoping that there are millions, many millions.
I was going to leave it here, but realized that it just wouldn’t work. So, I will go on.
Initially, I wasn't going to say anything but, after this last session, I feel that some of the things I am going through might be helpful to others. After all, there are others doing this.
In the three weeks since my last session, things have returned to what they were previously, just not as bad. This time, we found some things in a previous life that has bearing on what I am going through. It's as if I was told that I would be doing this channeling when I left that life, and had scared me. Interesting.
As we talked, and I was given more affirmations, my leg problem eased. One of the things I was told to do, was to see this energy hitting me at all levels, almost like I was a set of old western saloon doors. This lets energy pass through me at all levels, instead of entering through the top and running the length of me into the earth. (Part of the problem has been that I have trouble passing energy into the lower half of my body. This could be because I have been grounding to my center instead of the earth. It could also be due to the two compressed discs in my spine, around L4 and L5. That is where energy tends to stop.)
As we did some things, I saw myself react in fear. I could not tell what I was afraid of, but it was definitely fear, and as I felt it, things closed down.
When that got cleared, and I was able to feel the energy all through me, my whole body started tingling. I closed my eyes and could see all the energies around me. I reached out and touched them and played with them. (When I ordered the book on ascension, Amazon.com told me that many people who bought that book had ordered another, and I could get it at reduced cost. The book, which I ordered, was called 'What is Lightbody'.) At that moment, I felt like I was nothing else, but lightbody. I could handle the energies I saw, and could go anywhere I wanted, so I did. I instantly, effortlessly popped in on my wife, and then two friends. In that moment, I saw how they were doing. This was so much easier than any AP that I had ever done. Having the energies right there to use was pretty amazing, and pretty powerful.
The feeling didn't last as long as I had hoped, but I remember the feeling. This will allow me to find them again.
What this session did, was show me a few things about myself, things that people had been hinting about for years. I saw a hint of what I could do if I could access large amounts of energy. I saw how I could go check on people I'm concerned about. Knowing this, I have a feeling what could be done if I could consistently touch them. I can imagine what healing could be done.
For the last few years, I have been listening to people telling me how powerful I am. I've always felt that I end up teaching those that are more gifted, more powerful, more connected than I am. There are too many people that come to me that can do many more things than I can. I always figured that I have a good grasp of the basics, and all too many gifted people never get to learn these things. That's when they find me.
All too many of my gifted friends tell me I am leagues beyond them when I feel they are beyond me. Now I have clue why. A friend visited a psychic while in Hawaii. During her reading, this psychic spent about 10 minutes telling her about me, and how powerful I was. My response at the time was one of 'uuhh, ooook.'
Now when Darrell sits there and tells me how powerful I am, I have to start to believe it. After tapping into those energies, I know how strong I can be. And guess what... it's scary.
When I'm told that there aren't all that many people that are channels for these inter-dimensional energies, I get more scared. What I am doing is an awesome responsibility. And I really don't even have a feel for it. All I know at the moment is that I have some problems that need to be solved, and soon. The problem is that I’m not sure I’m up to this.
Yes, I guess I am scared. Hell, I wasn't comfortable with the title of Reiki Master when I received it, and it took me a long while to feel that I deserved it, much less could live up to it. This is going to take a bit longer to get used to. (A bit? Try a long time.)
Well, so, what has happened? I have ‘that power’ I used to wish for as a kid. Am I excited, thrilled? Uhh, no. Scared? Most probably. I know that the fear lowers ones vibrations (as does anger and a host of other negative emotions). I know I must work through it. I know it will be a long journey, but I will get through it. I’ll have to.
Speaking of super powers, there was an Eleanor Roosevelt quote at the end of an e-mail a friend sent me...
We do not have to become heroes over night.
Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that
comes up, seeing it is not as dreadful as it
appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down.
I guess that quote has some appropriate information in it. No, I don’t dream about being a hero anymore. Yes, one step at a time, get through each day as I have always done, by surviving, and hopefully growing.
I was told that if people found out about this, some would think of me as a savior, and others would think of me as the devil. Trust me, I’m no savior. And at the same time, I’m no devil. I’m just someone trying to survive, trying to cope in a world that is constantly changing, like everyone else out there.
Earlier, I talked about ego. For years, I have always taken compliments with a grain of salt, and not believed in them too much. I felt that if I believed what people said about me, then my ego would swell. Those that know me, know that my ego is usually so small, they have to go looking to find it.
Like I said earlier, what I have said here tonight is not ego talking. It’s also not bragging. As I have many times before I have bared my soul here, almost literally. This entry alone scares me more than any others I have written, yet I put it out here. I can only hope that whoever reads this will understand, and that in some way, it helps someone.
For now, I will just be muddling along, surviving from one minute to the next. For those that read these ramblings of mine, love and light to you all.